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  • Nathan Yoder


About a month ago I purchased Ilyas Ahmed's song HOW TO TRANSFORM INTO COMPLETE & TOTAL SILENCE the same morning that I ordered a copy of John Luther Adams' book Silences So Deep. These "winter prep" acquisitions felt pretty in-line with my seasonal tastes, as I'm often drawn toward restrained, minimalist works around this time of year, and appreciate sitting with quiet pieces through dark months. Guess I was prepping for hibernation.

(BTW, I ended up loving Ahmed's track, but found Adams' tone obnoxious. Ah well.)

Then on December 18th, my dog passed away. I won't linger on details here, because it's still painful and I am processing it yet, but her death was unexpected and a massive emotional shock. My wife and I lived with Zoey (our dog) for 10+ years, and she was an integral part of our family unit. After Zoey's death, our home felt empty. It became quiet.

It still is.

"Quiet" was something I was looking forward to, as I do each year, but it has now become a lonely reality. Allison and I are now learning to live as a family of two, and each day is easier than the last, but this adjustment will take time and is still very difficult.

The playlist you see below was constructed in the first half of the month, before shit got hard. Quiet runs through this hour of songs, and is heard (or not heard) in rests, low tones, and whispers. It's a dreamy mix, but definitely hits different now. Give it a listen straight though, unshuffled, and since it's a Spotify playlist, I encourage you to follow any artists here on their socials, and to visit their Bandcamp pages.

And apologies if this post read too terribly sad. It feels good, really, to have loved our pooch so deeply. The cover photo was taken on her last trip to the Coast in November.


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